


101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort

by OMG_Bannana



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-24
Updated: 2012-07-24
Packaged: 2017-11-10 15:25:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/467809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMG_Bannana/pseuds/OMG_Bannana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what the title says. 101 ways to annoy Voldemort and get yourself killed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort

1\. Don't die when he tries to kill you. He hates that.

2\. Be Harry Potter. That's even worse.

3\. Be Albus Dumbledore.

4\. Don't be in Slytherin house.

5\. Be alive.

6\. Have a soul.

7\. Be in the Order of the Phoenix.

8\. Refuse to join the Death Eaters.

9\. Feel love.

10\. Have feelings in general.

11\. Show up late for a Death Eater meeting.

12\. Fail to show up at all.

13\. Be muggle born.

14\. Be a muggle.

15\. Be pureblood, and fall for a muggle.

16\. Be pureblood, and fall for a muggleborn.

17\. Argue with him.

18\. Disagree with him.

19\. Fight him.

20\. Call him Tom Riddle

21\. Remind him that he is a half blood

22\. Call him Moldyshorts

23\. Posses the elder wand.

24\. Look into his mind.

25\. Call him Tommy

26\. Be a blood-traitor

27\. Only speak in riddles

28\. Sharpie a lightning bolt scar onto his forehead while he is sleeping.

29\. Tell him he's wrong.

30\. Destroy his horcruxes.

31\. Send him a candy gram.

32\. Sign it from Harry.

33\. Sign it from Dumbledore.

34\. Cry.

35\. Send him a toupee for Christmas.

36\. Paint his nails while he is asleep.

37\. Give him a pillow pet.

38\. Throw him a birthday party.

39\. Stab him with a fork.

40\. "Mistake" him for Dumbledore.

41\. Invite him over for Easter.

42\. Invite him over for Christmas.

43\. Throw a rock at his eye.

44\. Nag.

45\. Enroll him in a dance class.

46\. Enroll him in a cooking class.

47\. Put fake eyelashes on him.

48\. Turn his skin hot pink.

49\. Spray snake repellent on him.

50\. Replace his wand with a joke one.

51\. Whenever you walk by Professor Quirell, smack him upside the back of his head.

52\. Enroll him in a men's ballet class.

53\. Place eat slugs on him.

54\. Tie his shoes together.

55\. Put tacks on his chair.

56\. Tell him that he is almost the evilest person on the planet.

57\. Don't tell him who is eviler.

58\. Tell him he reminds you of your mother in law.

59\. Send him a pet mongoose.

60\. Put a whoopee cushion on his chair

61\. Tell him the Jafar was much more of a serpent than he ever will be.

62\. Tell him you know what his secret is.

63\. Walk away.

64\. Place a permanent sticking charm on one of his shoes so his foot will be stuck inside it.

65\. Break his wand in half then "fix" it with spello-tape.

66\. Slip him a love potion.

67\. Call him "The-Person-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live"

68\. Constantly hum "All You Need is Love" by The Beatles while he is around.

69\. Give him a plaque saying "Least likely to become the master of death award"

70\. Replace all of his robes with Muggle prom dresses.

71\. Deny his Facebook friend request.

72\. Or Twitter.

73\. Pester him about what his patronus is, and when he says he doesn't have one, try to give him lessons.

74\. Whenever he sits down, just snicker quietly.

75\. Whenever he enters a room, sing "Voldemort, Voldemort, oh Voldy, Voldy, Voldemort *pop* buh duh duh duh..."

76\. Sing the imperial march as he approaches.

77\. Replace all the Death Eater masks with clown ones.

78\. Dye all he Death Eater robes white with pastel polka dots.

79\. When near him, finish every sentence with: in accordance to the prophesy.

80\. Compare him with Michael Jackson.

81\. Ask him to do his Thriller dance.

82\. Laugh hysterically when he does.

83\. Ask where his sparkly glove is.

84\. If he doesn't have one, spread the rumor that he does.

85\. Call him fat (no one like that).

86\. Ask if he's compensating for something with the entire evil overlord thing.

87\. Pretend to speak parseltounge.

88\. Give him links to relationship websites.

89\. Sign him up for a therapy session.

90\. Sign him up for a day at the salon.

91\. Challenge to a duel in wii tennis.

92\. Recommend a tanning salon.

93\. Address him as Voldy.

94\. Tell him that when the zombies rise, all the people he killed would be really pissed.

95\. Compliment his hair.

96\. Tell him the bunny with big teeth is better than him.

97\. Announce that you have x-ray vision then stare at him.

98\. Only speak in rhyme.

99\. Send him cheesy greeting cards.

100\. Lick a lollipop and stick it on his forehead.

101\. Direct him to this list.


End file.
